It’s no secret 2019 was not good to me…
I got stuck in a trauma loop,
I felt like the rug got pulled out from under my feet &
I am now in a place of completely rebuilding.
I’m currently two months into my phoenix moment. As I go through my days, I find life presents me with little cues. When strong emotions arise, I look for the connection the the events of the previous year and try to find healing in the current moment.
This morning while jamming to reggaeton on the radio, I realized one of my biggest bummers of the year is a situation where I totally let myself down.
I completely didn’t take advantage of one of the opportunities life offered me!
I have always had a yearning to be bilingual. I’ve got the customary high school & college Spanish courses under my belt and actually have a decent breadth of vocabulary. But education doesn’t make you conversationally capable. Practice does.
Living in Houston, this would have practical benefits for my life as well. There are plenty of opportunities to interact in Spanish on a daily basis & many jobs offer additional pay for bilingual hires.
(Unfortunately with current immigration practices there is also an increased need for bilingual trauma informed therapists to volunteer.)
So why did I not practice my conversational skills the 9 months that I lived with a native speaker?
In the beginning, I let my perfectionism and embarrassment get in the way. I didn’t want this guy who I was head over heels for to think less of me for my pronunciation mistakes.
As the months went by, I let my walls down in so many other ways. I never really did get past this hangup though. And for some reason my goal was no longer important enough to ask for him to help me with.
Maybe it was our dynamic. Everything was so chaotic and intense. On the days when I believed we were always going to be together, I’d tell myself there would be plenty of time later:
Let’s just get settled down in our life.
I know we’re going to the family reunion in July, so I’ll ask him to start working with me after the beginning of the year.
Well guess what?!?!? Spring is here. But our relationship is no more…
I squandered an opportunity to acquire a skill that I have always wanted and would have benefited me for the entirety of my life!
Because I was scared to be vulnerable in front of this person I cared for. Because I got consumed by the patterns of an unhealthy relationship. Because I didn’t prioritize my growth. Because I lost sight of me.
In any situation, tomorrow is never guaranteed. Change is the only constant. Let me encourage you today, to take that first step on learning something new.
How amazing would you feel about yourself, if you looked back a year from now and had a 365 days worth of experience doing THE thing? You know, the skill you’ve always wanted but for whatever reason not given yourself the time, education or practice to develop.
9 months would have been more than enough time for a person with my knowledge level to become conversationally fluent. I’m disappointed in myself that I let my insecurities get in the way. I may never have an opportunity to learn so organically again.
I am committing to myself and you guys that I won’t miss out on the next opportunities life gives me – in any arena!
Go out! Be the person! Live the life! Take the chance! Don’t be too scared to ask the person you’re with to help you grow! I’d love to hear what steps you are taking today – drop them in the comment section below 😊
Happy Monday Guys!
p.s. Want to know why learning new skills helps fight depression? Check out my Build Mastery to Battle Depression post!
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